Pakistan vs. Australia, MCC Spirit of Cricket, 2nd Test, Day 1

Pakistan's first "home" series since losing hosting rights got off to an interesting start. First there were the Twenty20 victories against Australia, a team that tormented them earlier in the year, then traumatized them in the World Twenty20 semi-final. But how would Pakistan do in Test matches? First came the crushing defeat in the first Test, with Australia sealing a comfortable victory by 150 runs. Things seemed back to normal for Australia and Pakistan, but it's never easy to tell with Pakistan. Australia found this out the hard way on the first day of the second Test.

 

Mohammed Asif and Mohammed Aamer found a good line and length early on, troubling Simon Katich and Shane Watson early on in the corridor outside the off-stump. There were lots of "oohs" and "aahs" as the ball just beat the outside edge, a couple of loud LBW appeals turned down , and the odd stray ball down the middle and leg line being dealt with accordingly. Aamer made the first breakthrough, trapping Katich in front, who had moved too far across his stumps, for 13. Ricky Ponting was the next man in at 20/1, surviving a very good LBW shout for a ball Hawk-Eye guessed would have made the bails tremble. Mohammed Asif accounted for Shane Watson the next over, getting him in front with one that shaped back in. Umar Gul was the first bowling change, and he accounted for a careless Michael Clarke, who played all around a straight one. Australia were 27/3, having lost 3 wickets for 7 runs. Mohammed Asif troubled Ricky Ponting for most of the 14th over, eventually trapping him at the end with a delivery that nipped back in. Ponting gone for 6, and Australia were in uncharted territory at 29/4. Pakistan will never get tired of taking Michael Hussey's wicket, and he was the next man to go, LBW to Umar Gul for just 5. Replays suggested that the ball would have gone down the leg side, but Australia were caught in the headlights at 41/5.

 

Marcus North and Tim Paine stitched together a 19-run partnership - the second-best of their day - before North chased a wide one from Umar Amin to give Amin his first Test wicket. Probably more surprising was that Kamran Akmal held onto the catch. Thanks to a brace of boundaries by Steven Smith, Australia went to lunch in the precarious position of 73/6. They came back from lunch to see Smith and Mitchell Johnson removed in two consecutive, brilliant deliveries by Mohammed Aamer. Ben Hilfenhaus was run out to a good piece of fielding by Umar Amin, and Tim Paine fell the next over, caught behind off Mohammed Asif. Australia folded in the most dramatic and sensational fashion imaginable - 88 all out in 33.1 overs. Paine's 17 was the highest score to Mohammed Aamer's 11-4-20-3, Mohammed Aasif's 10.1-1-30-3, and Umar Gul's 9-3-16-2.

 

So leading by only 88 halfway through day 1, Australia's bowlers didn't do much to help their cause. Ben Hilfenhaus and Doug Bollinger mixed accurate seam bowling with some very wayward freebies. Salman Butt and Imran Farhat put on 80 for the first wicket before Butt was bowled by a Hilfenhaus inswinger for 45. Shane Watson turned out to be Australia's unlikely hero, getting Imran Farhat dead in front for 43 (133/2) and Azhar Ali caught behind for 30 (140/2). Australia would have wanted to see the final over of the day out on that high, but Umar Akmal tonked Steven Smith for an almighty 6 to end the day for Pakistan at 148/3.

 

Pakistan certainly have come a long way from the weeks when they couldn't buy a victory against Australia. Many teams have tasted defeat against Australia, but not many can say they reduced the Aussies to an unimaginable 88 all out. Aamer and Asif brought back good memories of Waqar Younis and Wasim Akram destroying many a batting lineup - seven Aussie wickets were either LBW or bowled. Australia would be somewhat satisfied at taking three wickets in Pakistan's lead of 60, but they'd know that you can't win too many Test matches with a first innings score of 88. For their part, Pakistan, better than any other team in world cricket, would know that until the last ball is bowled, the last run is scored or the last wicket is taken, Australia are not beaten. 

Tell an Old Joke Day

Tomorrow, July 24, is the day everyone gets to sigh with collective relief because they don’t have to come up with new jokes to entertain people with. Okay, maybe those of us who aren’t comedians don’t really lose sleep over such things, but there is a joy in recycling old jokes, isn’t there?

For one thing, they help you relive pleasant memories. My friends and family have so many running, “in the know” jokes that whenever we even sputter out part of one—for example, if my husband drones in his best Jon Heder voice, “Eat, Bella, you fat tub of lard!” reminding me of our running Twilight/Napoleon Dynamite joke—we not only relive the joke but also our history with it, which makes it even more delightful. (In this instance, it was at one of our favorite Italian eateries, where we were cracking up and causing the waitress to quirk her eyebrow at us.) Most of the other people that I know have similar “inside jokes” that they love to share with friends and family as well.

Old jokes also help us remember people we love. My Aunt Joyce’s famous joke about a widow whose husband had just been cremated—and his constant wish for oral sex when he was living—never fails to crack anyone up when I tell it, and it always makes me think of her big, boisterous laughter, glittering eyes and quirky seasonal outfits. Though she passed away some time ago, her humor lives on in her jokes. Our favorite comedians can be remembered the same way; all it takes is for me to scream, “Pull over! Pull over! Pull over!” at my husband, or for him to tell me, “I’m sick of guys named Kyle!” and we both recall our beloved favorite comedian, George Carlin, a man we’d always wished to see in person but never had the chance to meet.

So don’t fret over googling the best joke of the day to tell everyone tomorrow. Instead, enjoy those little jokes you knew way back when. Teach a child your favorite knock-knock jokes that you knew when you were little. Swap the dirtiest jokes you coveted as a teen—so funny yet so taboo they made you blush when you whispered them to friends!—with your now-grown friends. To get you started, here’s one of my favorite older jokes I used to tell during the Bush II years. You can substitute any other famous idiot you like, of course.

George Bush called Dick Cheney to his office, telling him it was urgent. When Cheney arrived, he growled, “What could be so urgent? I though you were working on a stupid puzzle.”

Bush says, “That’s it, Dick! The puzzle says ‘4 plus’ on the front, but it only took me three months to finish it!”

"Vampires Suck" Ain't That The Truth!

Trailer Review

"Vampires Suck," a spoof of the "Twilight" movies -- and I thought the "Twilight" flicks were spoofs. They can't be taken seriously as vampire movies!  The "Vampires Suck," movie is directed by: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer -- They needed two dudes to direct? The cast includes no one who I recognize: Matt Lanter, Jenn Proske, Chris Riggi. That's not a bad thing. New faces, you know? I expect to see new faces in horror movies, and in horror movie spoofs. But wait. The "Twilight" films aren't really horror movies. They are horrible movies, hybrids of horrible horror movies and sugar soda pop romance movies.

"Vampires Suck," movie is a comedy, says them -- the producers. Well, aren't spoofs comedies? And some are also funny.

Well, I 'm not reviewing the movie. Haven't seen it, won't go see it. It's is scheduled to be released in the theaters next month on the 18th. It is streaming free on the pirates sites, right now.

This is a trailer review. I am reviewing the trailer. One word review: Sucks!

Bad Asses And Zombies Too

Trailer Review

THE HORDE "La Horde," trailer, is a French Language trailer for a French language film that is supposed to open at selected theaters starting next month. That means art theaters. IMHO, the difference between art theaters and regular theaters is that in the art theater they expect us to be able to read. .

I never heard of the directors Yannick Dahan and Benjamin Rocher, because this is their first film. According to its press, it did well at European film festivals. The story line is that crooked cops, nasty ass gangsters and a horde gruesome zombies do their thing. The story line sounds very interesting. But I have a beef with this movie company that plans to release this film with subtitles. Question: Who goes to a horror flick to read? Who goes to an action flick to read? I go see horror and action movies to watch and to enjoy them. Reading will cut into the enjoyment time. One has to sit up in the seat, with ones peepers on, keep quiet and read. Very much a downer.

Judging from the trailer, and that is how I judge movies in a trailer review, this movie should be dubbed in American English pronto. This movie looks too bad ass for the art house. Now, I know, there are some film companies that cram all the interesting stuff in the trailer. But there is so much interesting stuff for horror and action fans in the trailer. The trailer is awesome.

England vs. Australia, Natwest Series, 3rd ODI

Even before it started, this third game between Australia and England was set up to be one of the more interesting cricket matches in recent memory (maybe even since the Twenty20 World Cup final between these two teams). After ruling cricket with an iron paw for a decade and a half, Australia had gradually been ceding territory to their old enemy - first losing the Ashes in 2009, then losing the Twenty20 final, and now facing a 3-0 scoreline to England, of all teams. This, the (more or less) same Australian team which humbled  the (more or less) same England team 6-1 only a year ago. 

So when Shane Watson powerfully pulled James Anderson for 4 in the first over, it seemed like we had a fight on our hands. Tim Paine looked bogged down a little, but he eventually settled in and looted 18 runs off a Tim Bresnan over. With that, Australia were away. Anderson was the only bowler to keep things tight, with Bresnan, Stuart Broad and Luke Wright all leaking runs. Australia were 75/0 in in the 14th over when Michael Yardy came on to bowl. He trapped Paine dead in front (for 44) with just his third delivery, giving England the vital breakthrough. Ricky Ponting lasted sixteen balls for his 3, before Graeme Swann had him stumped with a wide down the legside( 92/2 after 18 overs). Yardy and Swann combined to strangle the Australians, Swann getting Shane Watson for 61 (130/3). Cameron White has been known to give bowlers nightmares, but he fell to a sharp reflex catch by Andrew Strauss off Swann for just 12 - Australia now found themselves in a touch of bother at 154/4 in the 35th over. Michael Clarke made a useful 33, but maybe not scoring any boundaries got to him, gifting an easy catch off Swann to long-off. Mike Hussey fell to Paul Collingwood for just 21, and England were all over the Aussies at 182/6 in the 40th over. Jimmy Anderson's good day continued with the wickets of James Hopes, and Steven Smith and Doug Bollinger in the final over, as Australia's attempts at saving the series looked bleak with a dreadfully subpar 212.

Shaun Tait's return to the side gave them something to cheer about, a ripping delivery obliterating Craig Kieswetter's middle stump to check England's victory march at 1/1. Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen  kept things going with a 50-run partnership before Tait, consistently hitting speeds in the upper-90 mph range, snapped a sharp return catch off KP for 25. Strauss and Paul Collingwood stitched together a 70-run partnership, before Doug Bollinger had Collingwood playing on for 40. His replacement, Eoin Morgan, was his usual unorthodox and audacious self, but fell with 28 off 50 for victory left, for 27. Strauss fell the next over for 87, and Luke Wright did his best to get out the following over, and Michael Yardy followed suit, to leave England in real trouble at 198/7. Tim Bresnan and Graeme Swann saw off Shaun Tait's last over without incident, but Doug Bollinger bowled Bresnan and Broad in a double-wicket maiden to take Australia to the brink of keeping the series alive. Ryan Harris brought the equation down to a run-a-ball, but Tim Bresnan slashed him for 4, and then edged James Hopes' first ball of the next over for 4, to deliver England victory - and the series - by one single wicket.

So on the same day their footballers rolled over and played dead to Germany in Bloemfontein, England almost conspired to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory against the other old enemy. 212 shouldn't have been a problem, given how well Yardy and Swann softened the Aussies, but Ricky Ponting's men, led by a lethal Shaun Tait, never ever gave up. It was a trait that made them unshakably dominant from 1999 to 2007, and despite a new-look team, they reminded us of it again. England certainly won't forget it, but what matters is that they topped Australia 3-0. With the calls for reform the one-day format getting louder, and opinions that this series is meaningless in light of the Ashes, the two oldest national teams in the world came together to slug it out in the most dramatic of fashions. Who said low-scoring matches were boring? 

New Face Wins The British Open

Louis Oosthuizen won the British Open. Louis who? There just isn't a dominate player in golf. At every major tournament, I think we can expect a different winner.

Louis Oosthuizen, a South African golfer, just didn't win, he won big, sixteen shots under. He is the champion by seven strokes better than his next challenger Lee Westwood, -- and the man who is still, according to stats, the number one golf in the world, Tiger Woods --- Oosthuizen left him far back in the pack.

But the consensus is that Mr. Oosthuizen's win was a boring win, and this was a boring tournament. American sports commentators observed that there wasn't an American in the top-5 on the leader board, so that was not only disappointing to them, but if that becomes the trend, that will make for disappointing ratings, and that won't be very agreeable to the money crowd who sponsor and promote the game of golf. Any way, as some one who played a little weekend golf in the past and who appreciates the game, congratulation to the winner. Mr -- How do you pronounce his last name?

So the Octopus Was Right

For the first time in their history Spain has won -- the World Cup. Spain won a few things before the Spanish Armada but since then the pickings have been slim. Spain's victory in the 2010 World Cup over the Netherlands sent the the country in to a state of joy. It was fiesta time all over Spain. Spain won, 1-0. A single goal in extra time, by the Spanish grand hero, the player Andrés Iniesta, put Spain in the victory column.

Joy in Spain and sorrow in the Netherlands. The Dutch were so disappointed. I wonder if there were enough handkerchiefs to go around? The Dutch should have prepared themselves. Their loss was foretold. The Octopus Paul predicted the Spanish victory. The Dutch only have themselves to blame, if they didn't stock up on tissue and get in a good supply of crying towels. A nation as advanced as Holland, with all of its technology, should have had enough foresight to know, that when the Octopus picks you to lose, you're going to lose.

England vs. Australia, Natwest Series, 2nd ODI

The question on everybody's mind was, "Can lightning strike twice?" Like the truism, it can happen, but you still don't want to put money on it. England were 1 up in the series, already some way to erasing the humiliation of last year's 6-1 thrashing. Australia have never been used to the taste of defeat, and the strategic placement of this series - after the World Cup final loss to England and before the Ashes - meant that every result would be seen in a larger context. Being one down to England added pressure - and incentive - on Australia to draw blood.

 

Shane Watson started proceedings by plundering 12 runs from James Anderson's opening over. He and Tim Paine mixed aggression with some unorthodox batting, before Paine became Stuart Broad's 100th ODI victim for 16. Broad became the youngest England player to 100 ODI wickets, and he followed it up with the vital scalps Ricky Ponting (13) and Michael Clarke (1), to leave Australia wobbling at 77/3 in the 17th over. Watson muscled his way to 50 off 49 balls, but fell shortly afterwards to Luke Wright, and James Anderson made up for his wayward start by removing Mike Hussey for 14. Australia in trouble at 118/5, but Cameron White and Steven Smith's 84-run consolidation saved the visitors a lot of blushes. White's 50 came in 70 balls, and Smith made 41 before Luke Wright had him caught by Paul Collingwood at cover. White clubbed some boundaries off the last two overs to reach 86, in the process propping Australia up to a defendable, but subpar, 237/7.

 

Craig Kieswetter got things off to a good start for England, looting consecutive boundaries off opening bowler Doug Bollinger. Clint McKay, bowling for the first time in England, conceded a no-ball, 6, no-ball and 4 in his first over, and England were already 23 after the second over. Bollinger struck to remove Kieswetter the next over, bringing Kevin Pietersen to the crease. He made a quick 38 before falling to an acrobatic leaping catch by Ricky Ponting (91/2). Strauss brought up his run-a-ball 50 in the next over, also passing 3,000 ODI runs (not at the same time). He didn't last too much longer, chipping a catch back to Nathan Hauritz in the 20th over. England 109/3, but it brought their new hero Eoin Morgan to the crease. Paul Collingwood crossed a milestone of his own, becoming England's highest ODI scorer, passing Alec Stewart's 4,677 runs. He eventually played on to Doug Bollinger for 48, bringing an end to an 83-run partnership with Morgan, who scored his second consecutive 50 (against Australia, no less). Luke Wright biffed a couple of boundaries before playing on himself to James Hopes, and Morgan was gone the next over for 52 to leave England at a tricky 211/6. Only 29 needed, but with two new batsmen at the crease, Australia sniffed a chance. Nothing doing, said Tim Bresnan and Graeme Swann, who finished proceedings with a blasted 6 off Clint McKay to seal victory by 4 wickets.

 

So lightning does strike twice, and Australia find themselves looking at a 3-0 series defeat. Even though it was a composed and collected batting effort from England, Australia were far too sloppy with the ball, conceding 23 extras from no-balls and free hits. Credit where due, though, and Eoin Morgan continues to impress. Scoring 155 in two games is never easy, but doing it against Australia is unheard of (unless your first name is Sachin). With two victories in two games, can England dare to dream of a 3-0 series victory over their ancient enemies? Or will Ricky Ponting's young team prove that with Australia, it's never over until the final ball, the final run, or the final wicket?

Murali Announces His Retirement from Test Cricket

Sri Lankan off-spinner Muttiah Muralitharan, one of the most controversial and accomplished figures in cricket, announced that the upcoming Test match against India in Galle, Sri Lanka, will be his last. Choosing to concentrate on the shorter formats of the game, Murali will walk away after 133 tests. His figures currently stand at a record 792 wickets, a best-innings return of 9/51, a best-match haul of 16/220, and an average of 22.71, with 66 five-wicket sets and 22 ten-wicket sets.

The figures, impressive, legendary and record-breaking as they are, tell only half the story. He holds the record for the most wickets in international Test & ODI cricket, has taken more five-fors than any other bowler in history, and was called the "best bowler ever" in the 2002 edition of the Wisden Cricketer's Almanac. Wisden also called him "the leading cricketer in the world" in 2006. He's taken a 5-for against every Test-playing country, and has taken 50 or more wickets against all of them - England, Australia, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, South Africa, New Zealand and Zimbabwe.  He's the only player to have taken 10 or more wickets in four consecutive games, and he's done that on two occasions. "b(owled) Muralitharan" is the most common dismissal in Test cricket. Matthew Hayden and Kevin Pietersen have singled out Murali as the toughest bowler they've faced. 

For a cricket nation that lived under the shadow of India for nearly two and a half decades, Murali was one of the few players that put Sri Lanka on the cricketing map, and helped it stay there. Even though he didn't play an integral part in Sri Lanka's winning campaign in the 1996 World Cup, it was his then-captain Arjuna Ranatunga and coach Dav Whatmore who realized Murali's talent and developed him from a promising off-spinner into a guaranteed match-winner.

Yet there was always the controversy. Suspected of illegally throwing the ball as far back as 1993, and then officially called for doing so in 1995, Murali has always had to deal with the accusations that he cheats. Whether it's respected ex-players and commentators like Michael Holding or Bishan Singh Bedi, or the crowds that would chant "no-ball" whenever he marked his run-up, his whiplash bowling action and wicked turn has sullied what is otherwise an exemplary international record. It took a dozen rigorous scientific tests and studies to exonerate Murali; despite this, and the comments of Sir Donald Bradman and Steve Waugh (who compared him to Bradman) in support of Murali, his detractors have not waned (with the exception of Michael Holding, who reversed his position upon seeing the scientific evidence in favor of Murali).

I think that if Murali had been legitimately cheating, his career would have fizzed out a long time ago. But such is the depth of the man's talent and skill that he has gone from strength to strength. He's remained Sri Lanka's go-to guy with the ball, has turned matches for them, and has been a force to be reckoned with, even in defeat. With his understudy Ajantha Mendis and Suraj Randiv and Jeevan Mendis in the wings to replace him, Murali frees himself up to concentrate his efforts on the shorter formats of the game, with the 2011 World Cup a primary objective. Until then, however, batsmen and opposing captains will breathe a sigh of relief that the one man who constantly bamboozled and beguiled them, arms flapping and dinner-plate eyes wide, will hang up his Test cap and leave a record that will probably never be matched. 

Insanity In Spain

Today, Thursday, in a live broadcast on Spanish television, insanity in Spain, not the World Cup fever that has broken out as Spain prepares to meet Holland in the finals, but the annual insanity known as the running of the bulls. In Pamplona, Spain, at the second of the eight scheduled running of the bulls at Spain's San Fermin fiesta, famous for its bull runs and its around-the-clock drinking, that attracts tens of thousands of men from Spain and from other parts of the world, the. score -- the bulls have 2 & 5 -- 2 gored humans and 5 other humans reported injured and hospitalized. The humans score? Not looking good.

The Associated Press reports --"Thousands took part in the dash to keep ahead of six fighting bulls and six bell-tinkling steers tasked with keeping the beasts together along the 930-yard (850-meter) course from a holding pen to the northern town's bullring. The run lasted just under four minutes and produced panic when some bulls separated from the pack. One stopped just before entering the bullring and paced in circles threateningly while staring at the runners... The first runner (was gored) in the chest -- a second man was gored in the left leg ... Five more people were hospitalized in Pamplona for less serious injuries, mostly broken bones and bruises sustained in falls as they ran, though (television) images clearly showed other people being trampled. "

Somber young men running in front of dangerous bulls is not what I call smart. Young men who may have taken part in an around the clock drinking fest, running to stay ahead of dangerous bulls, I call that insanity. Maybe the old gods haven't gone too far away, because many of the old pagan practices haven't? The bulls are on their way to the arena to "fight" and to die in the bullring, and their meat is to be served up in Pamplona's restaurants. Maybe the old gods are sitting back and snickering, after whispering in the ear of one or more of the bulls, the command, "Get 'em!?" Each year dozens of people are injured in these runs.

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