Before you even consider watching the movie Meatball Machine, ask yourself one question: Do I deserve the pain I am about to put myself through? For the sado-masochist, this flick might be just what the doctor ordered. For the rest of us, it is an exercise in misery. Ok, so maybe those who really enjoy the worst of sci-fi B-films will get a kick out of this, but somehow I feel even that genre has a great number of more watchable films.
First of all, Meatball Machine is a strange blend of sci-fi, horror, action and… well, hentai. The Japanese love their tentacles and these aliens are covered in them. There is even a scene between one of the aliens and… OK, I’ll just refrain from talking about it.
The whole purpose of these aliens is to attach themselves to human hosts and mutate their bodies into “necro-borgs,” a type of cyborg that can change itself to produce weaponry. They then take their new bodies for a ride, looking for others of their kind so they can fight it out, to the death, with the victor eating the loser. Not the whole body, mind you, but just the little alien pilot of the body, which resides in a capsule attached to the necro-borg patchwork.
The protagonist is a man named Yoji, whose girlfriend gets turned into one of these alien combat-bots. He must seek her out and try to figure a way to save her or kill her. Another pair, a father who fights the necro-borgs and his daughter, crosses paths with Yoji, which ends up resulting in him getting changed into one as well, though one with its mind still intact.
At the end, a huge battle between Yoji and the girl ensues which is – and I kid not – seriously half the dang film. I could be off a little, perhaps sent into hallucinations from the unclean stench of this film, but if I am, it’s not by much. They just keep making new weapons, which get more and more ridiculous, and blasting away at each other.
Apparently, this pile of steaming dog turd is a remake of another film of the same name. All I can say is, if the original is bad enough that they needed to redo it, watching that version could mean blindness or even certain death. Stay away from this film! Unless, of course, you really like pain.